Parenting Dos and Don’ts for a Drama-Free Household

Parenting often feels like walking a tightrope across Niagara Falls while juggling flaming torches. Finding the proper equilibrium between enforcing discipline and showing gentleness, educating and motivating, protecting and allowing independence is no easy achievement. It’s tempting to guess your every move second and obsess over whether you’re making the best choices. Well, I’m here to say – take a chill pill! No one is a perfect parent.

We all underestimate ourselves and lose sleep over how we handle different situations. Did I make the right call disciplining them? Was I too lenient? Too harsh? Should I have let them take that risk or protect them?

It’s easy to analyze every interaction and choice. However, in reality, kids are resilient, and there are usually no definitive right or wrong answers regarding parenting. Every child and situation is unique. As long as you’re operating from a place of love and trying your best, that’s enough. Rather than obsessing over being the “perfect” parent, focus on showing up consistently, communicating openly, providing unconditional love, and learning as you go.

Parenting is a journey, not a destination. You’ve got this! But some general dos and don’ts can help guide you through the adventures of raising little humans.

How to Keep Your Cool When Parenting Gets Hot

First and foremost, memorize this mantra: This, too, shall pass. Whatever parenting crisis you’re facing – tantrums, talking back, bad grades – it won’t last forever. Take a deep breath. Calmly assess the situation once emotions have settled down. Stop any yelling or scolding in the heat of the moment. Reacting harshly in anger almost always makes conditions worse. Been there, done that!

Handle misbehavior calmly and consistently. Pick your battles rather than sweating the small stuff. Vent parental frustrations out of little ears’ range, like when you’re showering or taking a walk. Keeping cool allows you to be the stable, rational voice kids need, especially during meltdowns. Stay frosty, parents!

Walk the Discipline Tightrope

Don’t become so paranoid about damaging their self-esteem that you fail to provide discipline. Kids genuinely crave structure and boundaries. As those safety nets circus performers use, boundaries make kids feel secure. Be clear and consistent in enforcing family rules and values. Explain why rules exist so they understand consequences are tied to their choices. Follow through with reasonable penalties every time they break the rules.

Discipline shouldn’t be a punishment but should demonstrate actions have outcomes. Temper it with empathy, discussion of emotions, forgiveness, and ample hugs. Loving discipline provides kids the security to grow into responsible, ethical adults. Find the sweet spot between a drill sergeant and a pushover.

Monkey See, Monkey Do

You are your child’s most influential teacher, even when you don’t think they’re watching. Trust me, they see and absorb everything! The values you want them to exhibit – kindness, honesty, respect, perseverance – must be modeled consistently by you first and foremost.

They absorb everything you do and say, so be mindful of your speech and actions. I have to remind myself of this daily! Apologize sincerely when you mess up. Discuss your choices and reasoning out loud so they can hear your thought process. Foster open conversation and lead by example. You shape who they become by demonstrating your behavior. No pressure or anything!

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Nothing diffuses tension and builds bonds faster than laughter. Don’t lose your sense of humor and fun amidst parenting challenges. Share silly jokes, make goofy faces, play impromptu dance parties in the kitchen, and stage pillow fights. Laughter is contagious and forges positive emotional connections.

My kids and I have epic laughing fits over our inside jokes. Create family rituals centered on playfulness and joy. Your kids will carry these hilarious memories for a lifetime. Use humor liberally!

Let Them Skin Their Knees

The instinct is to protect your kids from any discomfort, failure, or hardship. However, experiencing challenges is key to building resilience, confidence, and wisdom. Let them fail sometimes—it teaches them to try again. Allow them to face age-appropriate risks and work through problems independently. Struggles don’t have to be crushing to impart important life lessons.

Be there to comfort them when needed, but don’t constantly remove obstacles. The correct dose of difficulty helps them grow. Let them skin some knees, get their heart broken, lose the game, mess up an audition – they’ll be better for it.

Resist the Urge to Over Plan

The pressure to overschedule kids with activities is intense, but resist the urge to completely micromanage their time. Let your kids’ interests guide which activities to pursue if any at all. I limited it to one or two extracurriculars per kid. Make sure they have plenty of unstructured time to read, play, create, daydream, join pickup games, and figure out who they are. Idle time sparks creativity and self-discovery. Boredom is healthy, leading to independent play and innovation. Leave time for it!

Listen First, Talk Later

As kids grow, parenting becomes more about listening and less about lecturing. Before doling out advice, listen patiently as they share experiences, thoughts, and feelings. Don’t interrupt or downplay their concerns as trivial.

Ask questions to draw them out further. Listen to understand, not just to respond. Hear their perspectives without judgment – something I struggle with! Listening builds trust and open communication. The less you talk, the more they will. Teens will share more willingly when they know you’ll hear them out entirely.

Don’t Be Their BFF

Your ultimate job is to be a parent, not a friend. While you want a warm, close relationship, avoid the temptation to be their peer. Kids need parents to set rules, enforce boundaries, and provide unwavering support – not another buddy. Don’t confuse your roles. Be a stable, reliable grown-up who provides guidance, wisdom, and unconditional love. The friendship will blossom naturally as they mature. Right now, focus on being their anchor when the waters get rough. Don’t undermine your authority by trying to be a “cool mom” – I learned this hard!

Teach Emotional Intelligence

I can’t stress enough how important it is to help your kids identify, understand, and manage their full range of emotions. It’s a skill that will benefit them for the rest of their lives. When they have outbursts or meltdowns, take the time to talk through what they’re feeling. Guide them towards more positive ways to express themselves, like using words or taking space to cool down. Teach them the vocabulary to label complex emotions like frustration, disappointment, jealousy, insecurity, and heartbreak – all things we feel but kids can’t articulate yet.

Promote empathy by discussing how their actions make others feel. Role plays a role in how to handle anger or grief. Emotional intelligence aids them in understanding themselves, building solid relationships, and making wise choices. It’s a gift that keeps on giving.

Encourage Open Communication

I strive to create an environment where my kids know they can talk to me about anything. I try not to lecture or scold them when they share difficult things—I listen with an open mind and heart. I let them know I’ll always be there to talk through challenging issues like relationships, sexuality, mental health, or substance abuse. My goal is to keep those vital lines of communication wide open through nonjudgment, reassurance, and gaining wisdom from my own experience to guide them.

I want them to feel safe coming to me for advice rather than struggling alone or making risky decisions. Promoting open communication and trust when they’re young means they’ll continue opening up as they grow.

Don’t Compare or Criticize

As parents, we must resist the urge to compare our children’s abilities, grades, athletic skills, behavior, looks, talents, etc., to other children. That kind of comparison breeds insecurity and competition. I also try not to criticize their personality or appearance. We all want our kids to feel good about themselves, so I make a point to praise effort, kindness, and integrity—not artificial measures. Comparison and criticism erode self-worth. I want my kids to feel proud of their unique gifts.

Allow Time for Boredom

I don’t need to entertain my kids or constantly schedule their entire day. I let there be plenty of free time for boredom, daydreaming, and independent play. Boredom sparks creativity as they learn how to develop their activities. Unstructured time also builds self-reliance, resilience, and problem-solving skills.

Aimless childhood play leads to discovery. As parents, we guide, but we should also make room for experimentation. Some of my best childhood memories are of inventing games and adventures. I want my kids to have that, too!

Model Self-Care

I’m careful to take care of myself and not get depleted – the “put on your oxygen mask first” rule. I try to model important self-care habits like exercising, eating nutritious food, getting enough rest, and taking alone time to recharge. I teach my kids by example that it’s healthy to set boundaries and say no when life feels beyond overwhelming. I don’t benefit my family by running myself into the ground. I hope by prioritizing my mental health, I’m teaching my kids balanced self-care.

Teach Responsibility through Natural Consequences

When possible, let your child face the natural outcomes of their actions rather than directly punishing them yourself. If they forget their soccer gear, don’t rush to deliver it—let them sit out that game and learn from it.

Don’t write an excuse note when they run late – let them face the tardy. If they blow their clothing budget on video games, don’t rescue them – they’ll learn to budget better next time. Let mistakes, within reason, turn into valuable lessons versus shielding them from outcomes. It’s hard to watch them stumble, but it builds responsibility.

Embrace the Beautiful Chaos of Parenting

Parenting is messy – muddy footprints, spills, loud explanations over dinner. But those imperfect, chaotic moments are the stuff of life. Don’t constantly chase after order and neatness. Let the house get cluttered with toys. Laugh off the spills. Cherish the bedtime stories shouted across the room. Go out and get dirty. Order can be restored later, but childhood only happens once. Embrace the beautiful chaos!

Concluding Thoughts

Regarding parenting, there’s no one-size-fits-all manual or definitive right and wrong way. You’ll gradually develop your unique style and rhythm as you move through the journey, continuously learning as you face new challenges and milestones together. While no universal formula exists for every family, centering your approach on empathy, open communication, consistency, and abundant affection provides a solid foundation. Trust your instincts as a parent, even when you feel unsure or overwhelmed. Try your best to stay patient through the inevitable ups and downs.

Truly cherish those tiny, precious glimpses into your child’s heart and mind. Recognize that parenthood, while completely exhausting at times, is a fleeting gift. The days often feel endless, but the years fly too quickly. You’ve got this! Take deep breaths and embrace the wild rollercoaster ride that is parenting. Extend yourself grace and patience on the difficult days when you fall short. Make space for lightness and laughter along the way. Have faith that all the love and care you pour into your kids will take root and blossom beautifully as they grow.

Parenting is a wondrous, rewarding journey. Appreciate each twist, turn, and unexpected blessing that comes your way.